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Eskimo Sex

Posted on Fri, 3rd March 2006 at 22:49 under Humour, Hmmmm...

Cornz, and now all his mates, are on the lookout for eskimo sex. We won’t pay for it. We’re not like that. We’re from Yorkshire.

Just plain, free eskimo sex. The real deal. Not some fake shite.

Did I mention we won’t pay?

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6 Responses

  1. Libertus said: March 5th, 2006 at 09:56

    No eskimo sex thus far. Mostly only blogs. Except for:

    Must-watch, weird & funny
    You gotta see this guy to believe it!
    fletchanderson.com

    Fletch climbs mountains, not necessarily rocky ones. There is no evidence that he engages in, has ever engaged in, or has plans to engage in eskimo sex. Perhaps he could be persuaded?

    While investigating Fletch and his marketing campaign, I stumbled upon Atlas Solutions and KPMG. Data protection is an odd concept, in some countries codified by law, in other countries certified by corporate oath.

    Reply

  2. Libertus said: March 9th, 2006 at 21:15

    Jesus Christ, Google! Still no sign of any eskimo sex. Surely someone, somewhere, has something to sell that is remotely related to eskimo sex.

    By the way, this comment is also to test my fix to a very irritating flaw in WordPress.

    Reply

  3. Libertus said: March 9th, 2006 at 21:33

    Not Eskimo Sex, A Short Rant

    The following patch represents the total changes necessary to make WordPress redirect the browser to a newly submitted comment. As anyone can see, there’s not much to it, a trivial repair effort. It is precisely this lack of care to attention and detail that shows utter contempt for the user experience, and is the reason I think WordPress is one of the most shockingly badly written programs I have ever had the joy to work on. Behold…


    wp-comments-post.php
    diff -r1.1 -r1.2
    49c49
    < wp_new_comment($commentdata);
    —
    > $comment_id = wp_new_comment($commentdata);
    54a55,61
    > /*
    > * I cannot figure out why cache control is necessary for a simple redirection.
    > * It looks like it might be something to do with cookies, but my simple knowledge
    > * of HTTP does not extend to the relationship between cookies and the cache,
    > * especially as there is nothing to cache for this request, being a simple
    > * redirection. I’m commenting them out, in my ignorance, to see if anything breaks.
    > */
    —
    62c69,71
    < wp_redirect($location);
    —
    > $location = explode(’#', $location);
    > wp_redirect($location[0] . ‘#comment-’ . $comment_id);

    functions-post.php
    diff -r1.8 -r1.9
    564c564
    < return $result;
    —
    > return $comment_id;

    My direct modifications to effect the repair are italicised.

    A 4-line change, if my comments removing the cache control headers are ignored. 4 lines to improve the user interface immeasurable. 4 lines some lazy buggers just never quite got around to writing. For shame.

    I should note that usually when I rant like this, moments later I discover some horrific side-effect wrought by my changes. My fingers are crossed. If it happens, I’ll be honest.

    Reply

  4. Libertus said: March 9th, 2006 at 22:54

    TANSTAFL

    There Are No Such Things As Free Lunches. That’s a piece of advice I give to people. If someone offers you what appears to be a free lunch, even a close and trusted family member, even if the thing is eskimo sex, you should take a moment to consider. There’s got to be a catch. Maybe they know about it, maybe they don’t. You’ll never know. But there’s always a catch. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. You must always earn your keep. Food arrives at your mouth only as a result of you doing some work.

    Now, work can be fun, but no-one ever pays you just to have fun. They’re always expecting something back in return. That isn’t a problem. In fact, that’s just the way things are. The catch might be that you don’t really have fun, they just think you are. On the other hand, you might be having so much fun that you forget to charge enough for your work. That hurts.

    So, have fun learning to appreciate the importance of family, for no more reason than the challenge, and maybe be paid to do it, with some relationship to marketing skills. No, I don’t get that, but maybe being paid to do absolutely nothing does have some appeal, so long as that would be fun.

    So, what the hell do I know about marketing? Well, Google of course. They market stuff on the blog and I occasionally note what they’re doing, mostly in jest but occasionally in praise. The ads on the fan chart post are particularly well selected and I have noted so. But that’s the extent of my knowledge.

    So I guess I’ll just have to see what’s behind the square windows. What is lurking for sale behind the ads on the fan chart post, and have they anything to do with learning how to appreciate the importance of family? But most of all, am I going to have fun looking? If not, then no matter how much I may be paid, I should be doing something else. Like masturbating. :)

    Reply

  5. Libertus said: March 9th, 2006 at 23:08

    What’s Behind The Window?

    OK, go to the fan chart post and check the ads. My! That is a nice fan chart. Andy has a flair, that’s for sure. I like his style.

    Anyway, the ads.

    How To Draw A Family Tree

    Ahhh! Ancestry.co.uk! I know them! They sell genealogy services. No interest to me, of course. Well, now I have to take an interest. What are they selling, really? And why? I hear they make quite a lot of money doing… whatever it is they do.

    WOW! Search for your family history from millions of names in the U.K. and Ireland records collection. That’s a LOT of names! Who would have thought there were so many people? And I can subscribe free for 14 days if I want. Well, first, let’s see if my family are in there.

    Umm… Ancestor’s First Name? That’s I, I suppose. Ancestor’s Last Name? Also I. What have they got?

    OH WOW!* My ancestors are in there! 155 matches in the UK Census Records, 3,483 matches in the UK Birth, Marriage and Death Records and 0 matches in the Irish Immigration Records, which makes sense because I know my ancestry isn’t Irish. So, they want me to sign up for 14 days free trial. Free, eh? There’s no such thing as a free lunch. What do they give me without signing up?

    Back on the front page to check out the small print. This is an annual subscription. Automatic renewal of this subscription will occur at the end of the one-year period and your credit card will be billed at that time. Aha! So if I have to pay, and my use for their site is done in less than a year, I get a lot of absolutely nothing for my money. I’m pretty good on computers, so I think I could exhaustively search their records and find my ancestors within moments.

    On the other hand, 14 days is way longer than that, so I might as well sign up and do my search, so long as they don’t need a credit card.

    OOPS! I missed a terms and conditions link in my haste to subscribe! Very very naughty, as there is no such link at the same place on the following page. Back I go! No way they’re getting me to sign up without seeing the terms and conditions. I’m impatient, but I’m not stupid.

    OOOH! VERY VERY NAUGHTY! I CANNOT GO BACK TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS link. My Back button will not take me there. They must have stored a cookie. Tut tut. I could have been had there. Clear the cookies using the Firefox Web Developer extension. 16 session cookies. 5 domain cookies. The subscribe link now takes me back to the page with the terms and conditions link. I have also received an e-mail from them but have not read it yet. I shall not do so until I have read their terms and conditions.

    OH HO! I’m about to make a contract with a company based in Provo, Utah. That’s in the USA. No chance. They have no data protection laws whatsoever. Or do they? I’ll check later.

    Oh wait. On the other hand, I’m supposed to be having fun. They can’t get anything personally identifying, so what’s the problem? It’s just a lot of verbiage to read through. Still, I’ve got a smoke to get through. You can read along if you like.

    Reply

  6. Libertus said: March 9th, 2006 at 23:37

    Confirmation Required

    Slow down, cowboy! I need to read your terms and conditions before confirming my registration. I cannot promise anything not within my power, and my powers are limited, and I don’t like to make promises I have no chance of keeping.

    FUCKING HELL! The terms and conditions define my rights! Jesus, rights are important! I’m glad I didn’t just bulldoze on ahead without reading this document. Phew! I don’t have any rights. If I’m about to receive some, I had better know what they are, so I know how to use them.

    I think I’d better print these out and review them properly. I need pen and paper. A lot of paper. Terms and conditions plus the linked privacy policy comprise 7 sides of A4 at normal print size. Ho boy. That’s a lot of reading. Better check for any futher links, just in case. Use Web Developer again to reveal all the link destinations.

    Oho! Good thing I checked! There’s a link on the privacy policy page to something about advertiser cookies. Better read that too. A third-party site allowing me to Opt Out of NAI Member Ad Networks. I’ll read that later. Back to my 7 sides of legal shit.

    Shit! I missed a link. A corporate policy concerning copyright issues with regard to user provided content. I have nothing to contribute, so I’ll print it out just for posterity, but I don’t have to read it. Unless it’s fun to do so. The Terms and Conditions are a scream. A sea of red and blank ink, and I’m not off the first side yet!

    Yeah, OK, this is fun. Better get back to the guys.

    Reply

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